Stop Fighting with Illusions and Get the Job Done

The following is a guest blog by Sylvia Lafair, PhD, author of “Don’t Bring It to Work”…

How often were you told that personal problems did not belong at work? Were you ever told to leave your upsets with (fill in the blank) your wife, parents, kids, neighbor, ex, etc. at the door and “Just do your work?”

Or conversely, have you ever had to tell a direct report or co-worker you did not want to hear their angry vendettas or sob stories?

We all have been told or wish we could tell others to “just get the job done!”

Somehow, life is more complicated than that and those of us who are going to win, and win long term at the game of business need to learn about the hidden blocks that sabotage success.

First, we can’t separate who we are at work from who we are at home, no matter how hard we try. Think about it; yes, we can change our clothes, wear jeans at home and tailored suits at work. We can pepper our language with spicy words at home and be more careful at work. And yet, we bring the same brain with us wherever we go and that brain is trained to respond the same way to crises and conflicts at work and at home.

Once we learn about the neuropsychology of that very organ that helps us drive a car, eat dinner, make love and finish a project we are on the way out of the illusion that we can be, should be, separate people in separate situations. The core of who we are really does remain the same no matter what you would like to believe.

This level of compartmentalization has caused lots of problems for say Tiger Woods, Jesse James, and too many politicians and business people to mention here. Just note that when we attempt to create separate selves ultimately we are destined to fall flat and hard on our faces.

To recession proof your life you need to start at the very place everyone needs to start to have a full and creative life; you need to start with becoming self aware.

Becoming self aware is life work. It is, in case the words cause you dread, very interesting and rewarding. So, let’s get started. Put the one and only brain you have in gear and here we go. Keep reading and you will have the way OUT of fear and disappointment and a way IN to the best career choices you can make.

First about the brain and your psychology; when stress hits the hot button (as in bad economic times) we all, yes all, revert to behavior patterns we learned in childhood for security and survival. We learned how to cope in our original organization, the family. Now, no comments or gagging sounds please, just stay with me.

What we learned as kids went into one of the oldest parts of the brain, the amygdale. This is not bad. It has been around since we threw stones at each other when we thought our caves were being invaded. This area of the brain is where fight, flight, and freeze live.

Here is the good news; when we learn the way OUT by OBSERVING our patterns we begin to change them, this is a given, a promise. Then when we UNDERSTAND how those patterns developed we are able to change them at an even deeper level and for a super long time. Next, is to TRANSFORM the patterns. You do this by talking with the primary people in your life (family members) to create a dialogue where you can eliminate the fears that have often been in the family, often for generations.
That is when you take charge of the miracle of brain plasticity, the miracle that we keep learning and changing so long as we are still breathing. So many of us get caught in the fear handed to us from past generations where the Great Depression took its toll, or family members came across the ocean with nothing except the clothes they were wearing.

The stories whether talked about or kept silent so often land in our very own amygdale region of the brain and fight, flight or freeze is how we react to conflicts and life challenges and cannot find the way to personal or professional success.

Give yourself the gift of recession proofing your life. Become aware of the stories and challenges from the past that may be standing in the way of your next moves to have the career you want. Don’t let the invisible ghosts of the past haunt your present life, you can learn the OUT Technique and put your skills and talents to great use. You owe it to yourself; you owe it to the world!
Check out the PatternAware Quiz to begin exploring your patterns– http://sylvialafair.com/quiz.html.

Sylvia Lafair, PhD, author of “Don’t Bring It to Work” and President of Creative Energy Options, Inc. can be reached at Sylvia@ceoptions.com or 570-636-3858. Her websites are www.sylvialafair.com and www.ceoptions.com